These 4 Words Can Change Relationships, Access Innovation And Resolve Conflict

Four words can start a new kind of conversation.

It’s no secret that gratitude can change your attitude. But how easily do you shift into positivity mode, when you’re dealing with deadlines, details and relationships that just aren’t working out? It’s hard to be grateful in the midst of discouraging situations. Nevertheless, in every circumstance – every circumstance – four words can point you in the direction of new results. These words open up possibilities in relationships, careers and conflict by providing access to innovation. A simple four-word phrase can help you to see resolution – do you know what that phrase is?

When faced with a difficult circumstance, it’s always useful to remember something that goes beyond mantra or belief. In other words, I’m sometimes negative about being positive. To be clear: don’t fall back on some “positivity” strategy, if you really want a fresh perspective to stick. Because lying to yourself (making up a story that everything is cool and you are too) isn’t sustainable. “Fake it till you make it” is just fake. Don’t waste time making up the prettiest lie you can think up and then trying to believe it – it won’t last. Managing your mindset is a fool’s errand: your mind is never set. Moods, thoughts and emotions come and go. There’s something else available, if you choose to see it. Just ask yourself a simple question:

What’s good about this?

In the middle of a conflict with somebody at work? Fed up with your boss? Relationship skidding into the ditch? Take a small step towards these four words: what’s good about this?

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Isn’t it true that everything has a front and a back? Every situation, no matter how challenging or dark, has something good about it. I remember when I was trying to launch my book – chasing after publishers – and I found a hotshot agent to rep my story. I was ecstatic! Until the day that I had to fire that very same agent. We both tried hard, but it just didn’t work. I was devastated! Have you been there? Have you had to part ways with what was once a dream come true?

I was angry at myself and disappointed – not in a place of positivity. But instead of chanting, “believing in myself” or meditating, I took action. I decided not to manage my state or my mood – I chose to manage my career instead. Yes, I felt lousy – but I had work to do. I remembered that I can still get stuff done even when I’m in a bad mood. How about you?

Taking a dose of my own medicine: What’s good about this, I wondered? I saw that I could still take matters into my own hands. I was down, but I wasn’t out. That’s really a good thing to discover! I searched and I found innovation. Resilience. Unexpected results. Through a series of events, I achieved what originally looked impossible: I found a publisher without an agent.

When the thought shows up that all is lost, there are no options, disaster is my only friend, I have to wonder: is that true? Today, I feel gratitude for the difficulties in my life. All was not lost, although it wasn’t easy! The agent that didn’t work out for me has been a great asset for my friends – and I would recommend the firm without hesitation. (Just cause something isn’t a great fit for me doesn’t mean there’s not greatness for someone else!)

The times that life has told me “no”, I’ve decided to work hard to find a “yes”. Even in disappointment, difficulty and sadness: I can still ask, “What’s good about this?” I can always take action, regardless of my moods. How about you?

There’s always something good. Did you lose your job? Divorce your spouse? Yell at your kids (or your dog) for no reason? I know lots of folks who found love, career satisfaction and forgiveness as a result of situations like these. Sometimes it just takes a while to find out what’s good – because, on the surface, you can’t see it. From me to you: it’s not foolish to find the good. It’s realistic. Necessary. Healthy. You always have options, even if you don’t see them just yet. No matter where you are, this is not the finish line. Keep moving forward, keep looking, keep pushing through your circumstances. You’re gonna find out what’s good about this.